Word out of Downing Street last night is that a new system is to be implemented to pardon war criminals immediately following their deaths to spare the family further grief. The children of former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, arms dealer Mark and Kangaroo cock eater Carol, were said to be distraught that their mother’s life was being judged purely on things she actually did like sink a retreating ship. They had hoped that the media would print convincing falsehoods, such as being a feminist icon, so that the public would show the appreciate respect.
‘Most western war criminals are never charged with their crime anyway,’ claimed a Downing Street insider, ‘so where is the harm in completely white washing history? It’s not like we ever learn from it, we have another Tory government for heaven’s sake.’
Tony Davis, a proud descendant of Genghis Khan said, ‘When my great x25 grandfather died, pretty much half the population of Asia were his children but that didn’t stop the other half celebrating. Yes, he cut through Asia carrying the grim specters of rape, violence and genocide with him but why only concentrate on that after his death? Why not remember him as the great entertainer, who would make guest laugh by using the severed heads of his enemies as a ventriloquist dummy?’
Tony Blair stated he welcomes the news as much as he welcomes his own death, adding, ‘Perhaps then the nightmares will stop.’