Fabio Capello has hit out against God for the bad physical design he has imposed on the England team for this World Cup Tournament.
"Some of my players have trouble walking in a straight line on a level surface but then when presented with the challenge of doing this while also following a ball, it's going to be a tough tournament"
"I've had Rooney practicing his standing up straight in the box technique but he keeps reverting to his natural instincts and trying to set fire to the corner flag. We've had a team of coaches dedicated to stopping John Terry from dry humping the goal posts and David James has almost got the concept of 'Hands'."
FIFA have released a statement that all the teams have had equal opportunity to evolve into decent footballers and athletes and that no advantage has been given to any one player or team.