It promises to be the clash of former titans. A diminutive perjurer and a lanky litigious xenophobe, both millionaires, both Thatcher favourites, both Tory stalwarts will slug it out naked for the prize of Dame Shirley Bassey, who has donated herself for the purpose. “It promises to bring a bit of competitive edge to the reception,” said Sir Mark Thatcher, fresh from jail after another central African coup d’etat.
“Mother loved a good honest fight, she adored manly men and although might would seem to favour Jeremy, Jeffrey is definitely the sneakier of the two combatants. Both men are known for their spunk, but with the hand of Dame Shirley as prize, it only remains to be seen who’s the spunkier”
Betfair, which is also sponsoring the champagne and any disinfecting of Norman Tebbit required, will offer mourners a free initial £10 bet on the outcome.