In a move designed to recover lost market share and to challenge Apple’s multi-tasking fourth generation iPhone, Microsoft has announced the launch of the multi-tasking second generation iBloke.
The iBloke 2.0, or the 2.0i GTX Turbo as it likes to be known, is still a pretty basic bit of kit but is said to be a vast improvement on the original, and in tests has already proved capable of shopping without a list and not forgetting to pick the kids up afterwards.
Recently-discovered records show that when the first Bloke was developed using enhanced evolution techniques provided by consultants Microgod, a multi-tasking version was regarded as a ‘not in a million years’ possibility, which proved quite an accurate forecast. The same records show that Microgod promised that the saviour of the human race would also come along in a million years, give or take a couple of thousand, but when Bill Gates arrived he found someone else had already been declared the Messiah.
The software was developed by getting a Bloke to listen to a detailed account of someone’s day while watching an important game of football, and modifying the code until he could ask intelligent questions at appropriate points and recall the entire conversation afterwards. Further refinements were added which enabled a Bloke to remember an entire weather forecast as well as mentally undressing the weather girl.
Unfortunately, many Bloke attributes are hard wired and proved impossible to modify, such as thinking about sex every 6.594 minutes, but an application has been developed which provides relief from the distracting effects this can cause if left unattended for too long. The instant masturbatory application, or iWapp, can be used without embarrassment in any situation and downloaded later as convenient.
Microsoft denies reports that the beta version crashed its car while attempting to simultaneously overtake, discuss golf, look at a lingerie poster, listen to a Jimi Hendrix solo, send a text and remember the dry cleaning, although it admits that the prototype in question did then forget an anniversary card and had to spend an evening in the pub being reprogrammed.