David Cameron has called for the tragic death of Norman Tebbit, as popularity for the Conservatives swells as a result of the death of Margaret Thatcher. “We really need more deaths of these old right-wingers to capitalise on the Thatcher effect,” David Cameron told a meeting of stunned Finchley voters.
“For the past 24 hours we’ve had what amounts to non-stop Tory party political broadcasts, as the nation remembers Maggie. That effect is likely to peter out after the funeral, but a tragically unforeseen Tebbit death in early May could work wonders for our ratings, and our publicity guys have some great ideas about bicycle-drawn hearses. Then maybe pencil in another big beast from the far right for July…is Keith Joseph dead? Yes? Pity. Kenneth Baker then. He’ll have to do. Then Frances Maude in September? Could someone check his diary? And Peter Lilley? ”
Commentators say that regular unexpected deaths of right wing conservatives, if timed strategically, could keep UKIP at bay till the next general election. One source suggested that Michael Heseltine or Geoffrey Howe could be cast as suspects in the string of unexplained but politically valuable demises.