Unprecedented outpourings of grief at the news of the death of former Prime Minister Baroness Thatcher have yet to engulf the UK.
'We are expecting the sort of uncontrolled public grieving seen on the death of a North Korean leader,' said a spokesman for the Thatcher family,'but it hasn't happened yet.'
Officials organizing Baroness Thatcher's public funeral are fearful of grief-stricken elderly ex-miners from South Wales throwing themselves on the hearse.
A shopper at a Tesco supermarket in Grantham, Baroness Thatcher's birthplace, has reported tears in the eyes of one shopper, but added that the woman was buying onions.
Former Durham miner Arthur Orgreave said he would paying his 'quiet respects' to Baroness Thatcher by 'having one hell of a piss-up' down at the miners' social club which, he said, 'could go on for days.'
The National Union of Undertakers has announced a new strike threat.