After the earlier 'tragic' death of Baroness Thatcher earlier, David Cameron has announced she will receive a full state funeral with full military honours which will be funded by the taxpayer.
"It's what she would have wanted" stated an emotional David Cameron between sobs. "I know that the Conservative Party wouldn't be what it is now if not for her. We're carrying on her glorious work of making the rich richer and the poor poorer. Oh, why do the good always have to die so young!"
When asked if expecting the taxpayer, many of whom suffered under Thatcher's reign as Prime Minister, wasn't inherently unfair Cameron dried his tears away and took a firm stance.
"No, I don't believe it's unfair at all" he stated defiantly "The way I see it, this way everyone gets to have some involvement in her final goodbye. In order to make this MORE equal, only people who won't be attending will have to pay towards this. Of course, this means me and my chums won't be paying a penny but as we'll be there in person unlike the majority of common people then we will truly all be in this together."
When asked if people on benefits would also have to make a contribution, Minister for Work and Pensions and Crusader against the Welfare State Iain Duncan Smith stepped forward and declare "No. I have declared that all benefits will be stopped for the next month as a mark of respect with the money being channeled directly into the Thatcher fund. Some people are concerned since people are being left with nothing to live on but hey, I could easily survive on nothing a week so why shouldn't anyone else?"
There are currently talks underway of holding a memorial concert for Thatcher, with several musicians admired by the Conservative party in negotiations to attend. Cameron has refused to comment on where the money for this will be coming from, but was seen to slyly wink to Iain Duncan Smith afterwards.