Researchers at the University of Haverfordwest in Pembrokeshire have discovered a method of communicating with plants by translating the frequency variations of the piezo-electric currents in plant cells into text.
"Stop global warming at once" is the main message that bananas want to get across. "We are quite happy growing here in the Caribbean, and don't want to have to move to the East Midlands" they said.
Communication back to the plants is also possible by passing similar variable currents through the cell nucleus. For example, oranges were told that potatoes were very worried about the overuse of antibiotics, leading to a decrease in the resistance to fungal diseases such as blight. "Who gives a fuck what the stupid veggies have to say" replied a tangerine.