The practice in recent years of appointing tsars in such fields as drugs and homelessness is to be expanded. In a move designed to “heighten respect for their vital work”, a number of additional Government functions will now be headed by officials with royal titles.
Newly-appointed Holy Roman Emperor of Waste Disposal, Derek Smith, said “I think this move highlights the Government’s determination to stamp out such evils as dropping litter and fly-tipping.” Grand Duke Tim Rogers is to oversee Council Tax collection at a national level: “When people get demands for payment headed by my coat of arms I think they’ll really sit up and pay up.”
Moves to rename the Drugs Tsar as the Drugs Rasputin have been opposed as historically misleading. In a statement, the Cabinet Office said: “Rasputin was never an official member of the Tsar’s government, and “a rasputin” is not a proper title anyway. The whole proposal is absurd; that’s why the Drugs Tsar is instead to be renamed the Drugs Dauphin. We want everyone to see that we are serious about these matters.”