Prime Minister David Cameron today set out the case for replacing the Trident nuclear weapons system, arguing it was “our best shot at fooling ourselves and others that we’re still a proper country.”
“Seriously,” the Prime Minister continued, “we don’t make anything anymore, our army is tiny and we don’t even put people in space. We need this, guys.”
Successive British governments have long recognised the crucial role that Trident plays in maintaining the facade of a major power. Recent administrations have not altered the policy, with Tony Blair’s New Labour particularly keen to appear to appear to be doing something about it.
Responding to questions after the speech, the Prime Minister explained, “Using clichés like ‘punching above our weight’ and ‘special relationship’ can only get you so far. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to put your money where you mouth is and buy an incredibly expensive, never-to-be-used nuclear weapons system so that all the other boys on the cricket team will still talk to you. And it’s not just about Johnny Foreigner. It really is the ultimate deterrent to the self-realisation that we’re just a small insignificant island in the Atlantic with a dubious past.”