Rumours abound that convicted felons are desperately bidding for the privilege of welcoming Mike Philpott to their particular prison, wing or, preferably, cell. Allegedly they are so anxious to welcome him that they have offered bribes to the authorities of of drugs, cash or even offers to serve extra time in exchange for the priviledge of meeting Philpott. In some cases there have been offers of protection to the families of prison staff from gratuitous violence.
"I have young grandchildren of my own" said 'Slasher' O'Donovan, serving 20 years for armed robbery and GBH, "So I would be glad of a chance to discuss child welfare with him." Twenty-two stone, six-foot-ten-inch 'Gouger' McCloughlan also expressed an interest in meeting Philpott face-to-face.
"We just hope that no unfortunate accident happens to the bloke before me and my mates have a chance to chat with him and to ask his opinions on the importance of balanced nutrition and the psychology of child development" McLoughlan was quoted as saying.
Prison governors, on the other hand, are less willing to welcome Phipott. "The paperwork whenever an accident befalls one of our prisoners is unbelievable" said one governor who declined to be named "And it takes ages to clean up all the bloodstains before the next inspection or the Prison Visitors arrive."
However one officer at the prison said "I just hope that neither I nor any of my colleagues get absent-minded and accidentally send Mr Philpott out on Normal Courtyard Excercise. Especially if any of the other prisoners fail to remind us or 'encourage' us to forget."
Chris Huhne comented "If he gets sent to an open prison such as the one I'm in, I shall apply to be transferred to some where like Wakefield or Wormwood Scrubs. I may be a politician and a convicted criminal but I do have some standards and I am fussy about the company I keep."
Mr Philpott has apparently recently begun to have difficulty in obtaining either health insurance or life insurance, although one potential fellow inmate was quoted as saying "He won't need to worry for very long - we'll look after him OK."
