Clever-clogs funny-man Will Self today unleashed a damning broadside against US game manufacturer Hasbro, for what he called “the dumbing down of the English language”.
The outburst, in an interview in this week’s edition of Pick Me Up magazine, criticised the US based toy maker for allowing players of it’s popular Scrabble game, to take only seven tiles at a time.
The bizarrely named brain-box, real name William Self, has for years campaigned for the use of overtly long words in every day speech when shorter ones will suffice. “it’s an opprobrium”, he muttered to a clearly floundering journalist. “These morosoph’s wouldn’t know a long word if it hit them in the lineament”
Self, 51 went on to bemoan the time he was a mere six letters short of being able to play the move ‘precipitantly’, which would have been on a double word score. “I hastily scribbled a letter to the Chairman of Hasbro outlining my predicament”, explained Self “all I can say is that I hope he had a dictionary to hand, I didn’t hold back and unleashed a volley of double digit profanity”
It would appear that Self is not alone in his quest for the lengthening of the nation’s vocabulary. An unofficial campaign, nicknamed The Glorious Twelfth has emerged. The simple aim of the organisation states that no person should be able to adequately describe anything, without inserting at least one twelve-letter-plus word into every sentence. As well as pure length, the word should ideally be unknown, unintelligible and unpronounceable to all but the smartest wordsmith. High profile celebrity backers of the campaign include AA Gill, Jacob Rees-Mogg and Amy Childs.
Hasbro, however, were not alone in facing Self’s wrath, other targets of the multi-syllabic muse include:
• Twitter. Self reportedly called the 140 character limit ‘pointless’, and demanded it be raised to ‘at least 1700’
• Text messaging. An increase in character count to allow for accurate punctuation, including two spaces after full-stops and new paragraphs where appropriate
• Countdown . A new 24 letter conundrum, plus points only awarded for words of more than twelve letters, that need to be verified and explained to a bemused celebrity, by the pretty girl in dictionary corner
Self made a brief appearance in public yesterday to face questions over the article. He simply told the waiting journalists to ‘fuck off’. Hasbro were too confused to comment.