Good-looking Oxford Have the Better Boat Race
A beefed-up Oxford crew defeated and effete Cambridge one in a battle that had as much to do with off the river antics as on. Cambridge have accused Oxford of styling themselves the ‘pretty boys’ of this year’s competition while branding them the ‘ugly ducklings’. It is well known that the Oxford crew put in lots of gym time to pile on the pounds in preparation for the race, and doing so secured them the coveted weight premium. But they have also put in time in beauty salons and tanning booths. ‘As well as the weight advantage it is well known we have the prettier team,’ said a riverbank fan. ‘Many of the crew are models. In that sense we have better ‘boat races’ than the Cantabrigians. Hahahaha.’
While the Oxford side were making poor jokes in poorer mockney accents, elsewhere there were accusations of ‘boat racism.’ “There are very few black faces in either team,” noted an expert on cultural diversity. “The boat race is a kind of photographic negative of slavery.”
When asked to explain what he meant he couldn’t.