David Cameron has denied that 'government pressure' was behind the death of a religious activist in the Middle East but assured relatives there would be a full investigation into the matter. The police chief in charge, Superintendent Pilate, has been widely criticised for exceeding sentencing guidelines.
The incident has stirred widespread anger and resentment among the people of Nazareth who feel that Jerusalem doesn't care about what happens in the north of the country. "If its north of the Shiloh gap they don't give a toss like" said one Nazarene.
"Aiirrrmmm so Jesus was a bit of a scally" he continued, "but the people loved him, they thought he was God dya no warra mean? Ok, so he was propah angry with the bankers selling PPI in the temple and by-passed drinking regulations by turning water into wine, but at most that's a police caution. Crucifixion is way above the tariff for that sort of offence."
However grieving relatives were told today that Superintendent Pilate could not be disciplined because he had retired from the force, and had in fact been dead for nearly 2,000 years.