'Not even Tony Mendez could have dreamed this one up’ said source Nick Stone.
In an attempt to pay off some of the UK national debt, David Cameron entered into a secret agreement with former US president Bush to provide specialist services on an extraction mission that US special forces had insufficient experience for, again.
After a four man team from 22 Regiment were trained for their highly deniable mission, by Lancashire’s John Noblett in May 2012, they boarded what appeared to be a BA flight from Heathrow to Kiev with rather more than typical hand luggage, but no extra charges beyond the C4.
Jumping out before Kiev using their High Altitude Low Opening technique, apologies had to be made to BA for the unanticipated loss of cushion and blanket packs plus inflight magazines, which a number of Ukrainian farmers no doubt made more use of that the typical BA passenger.
Landing near the M21 outside Berdychiv, the team waited for a van that intelligence had told them would be returning south empty of its cargo, which would not be reported missing if hijacked. But with that van late, the troopers decided to hijack a similar one heading north. This contained ten young Moldovan women, who they ordered out onto the roadside to join the driver. These women were very cross, as they had all paid an arrangement fee and were going to Birmingham to be the new tour guide team at the Sea Life Centre. To resolve the confusion amicably the team medic held his Magnum Desert Eagle against the driver’s genitals and asked him to explain what was really going to happen to them. With the truth successfully delivered the trigger was pulled and the man left to bleed out with the women kicking him, rather than kicking themselves.
The team took the van up the M06 and P02 to Chernobyl where the mission got even trickier. Each equipped with night sight, heat vision, Geiger-counter, and SPADe (Sonar Proximity Alert Device), they searched the satellite identified target zone, feeling like extras in a high-budget B-movie.
Finally they picked up subterranean movements. The capture device was quickly set up and worked first time. They knew they would have to move quick because of the noise of the charge, but these well trained soldiers were stunned by what the sergeant described back in Hereford as “The biggest fuck-off Russian mole you ever saw.”
Recovering faster than the mutant mole they bound it and dragged it into the back of the van, and made the long drive through Russia, Georgia, and Turkey, to Mosul in Iraq, where their mission was completed with the handover of the still bound mole to a CIA man. This ex Navy Seal made it a thankless task, preferring to deal with the SBS, and never said what would happen to the mole.
Stone has reason to believe that the mole was trained to dig tunnels undetected into the oil fields. “Pulling-out in 2013-14, people and hardware ain’t the only assets the US have planned to extract.”