Heathrow has become the latest international airport to raise its global profile by adopting the name of a local celebrity, it was confirmed yesterday.
'Mr G would have seen jets roaring over Staines when he was a boy,' said airport spokeswoman Julie Me. 'We are proud to be able to use his motto "above us, only punani - and it is well 'airy from where I'm kneeling" on our website, in our correspondence, and emblazoned in 2ft-high letters on every terminal building.'
Ali G is understood to have personally overseen the redecoration of the first class lounges into a "cutting edge mixture of dictator chic and south London whore house", although the airport's owners are thought to have rejected his suggestion that male and female toilets take "Bro and Ho" labels.
Heathrow has broken the convention that stars should be dead before giving up their names in the cause of brand awareness, leading to charges of unfairness from other airports. 'If our chosen star had been shot by a crazed fan we'd already be Birmingham Lenny Henry' complained a spokesman for "West Midlands' leading international transport hub". 'And at least our man is real."
Railway stations are also thought to be looking at "name changing as game changing", according to brand consultants Whispy Beyard. "We've got a great idea for putting the North West back on the map' said their 20-something CEO. 'Sure, he's never been there, but that UN Guy is bound to want his picture taken on the platform of Warrington Bank Quay Moon. Riches will follow.'