In light of the recent triangular flapjack furore, and in a populist move to attract the Essex vote, the government is to introduce the Dangerous Triangular Food Act and promises not to fudge the issue.
Research indicates a significant percentage of triangular-shaped food was introduced to Britain by foreigners and the government has vowed to get tough.
“We are going to outlaw all triangular-shaped foodstuffs offered for sale to the public” said Home Secretary Theresa May, as she set up the new agency DTFSA (Dangerous Triangular Food Standards Agency) and abolished the FSA (Food Standards Agency). “The Food Standards Agency has proved totally incompetent and unfit for purpose as evidenced by the horsemeat scandal, even though the burgers were round” she added.
Anyone who sees any triangular-shaped food offered for sale to the public (or even prepared privately in a foreigner’s home, probably paid for by the honest British taxpayer) should ring 020 7035 4848, 020 7219 5206, 0118 934 5433 and 020 7219 5206 – there is a £25.89 reward for every foreigner sent home.
One voter said: “Blooming heck, these politicians get madder and madder.”