Michael govesworth, a former pupil at st custards skool somewhere in England who is now the educashun secretry, hav responded angrily to 100 academics who sined a leter to The Independent newspaper this week. The leter atackd the coalition for insisting 11-year-olds use a wide vocabulary, write gramatical sentences and use frackshuns in sums, while insisting that Govesworth is uterly wet and a weed.
Govesworth he sa: ‘How can it erode educashanal standards to ask that, in their 11 years in skool, children be given the oprortunity to use the English language in all its range and beuty to communicate their thorts and feelings with grace and presizion? This is becos Laber hav sided with the enemies of promise and dummed down skool standards, as any fule kno.’
According to recent surveys which Govesworth sa must be true becos they were in the daily mail, one in five children at skool think Winston Churchill was a fictional character while most think Sherlock Holmes was real. And unlike when Govesworth was at st custards and science was about atoms and rockets and other good stuff, now they acktully get asked if grilled fish is healthier than battered sausages chiz.
However, shadow secretary of state for environment, food and rural affairs Mary Creagh MP, she sa Govesworth only got to be educashun secretary because he was at Oxford like his grate frend Cameron 2, who hav given all the top jobs to his chums from st custards, which like parliament was built by a madman in 1836.
This hav provoked a big poltical battle, as Govesworth he sa Creagh is just a soppy GURL and probably like skipping about saying Hullo clouds, hello sky, etc. but Ed Balls hes the skool buly he sa ‘The tories just want to bring in selecshun by the back door’, then they say tis tisnt tis tisnt and roll about on the floor of the house in a tough manly way clouting everybode until mad speaker John Bercow sa ‘order order’ and bring his MACE crashing down whack oo gosh oo gosh.