Rio Ferdinand may clear window in his diary and play football for England soon
(4 posts) (2 voices)
England football fans were cock a hoop last night, after news emerged from Rio Ferdinand still hasn't ruled out an England come back tour.
"All going well, fans could see their favourite centre back in a white shirt some time in the next year, touch wood," said a spokesman for the world's most passionately committed footballing talent, "although obviously there might be television commitments, product endorsements, drug tests or personal spats to conduct, and obviously these must take priority."
With a footballer's life being brutally short, they can't afford to waste a minute of their time doing anything uncomfortable, explained the agent. "The days when you had to muck along with people you didn't get on with, for the sake of the team, have gone," said the spokesman, "this isn't the army."
Ferdinand is privately devastated that playing football for his country doesn't fit in with his personal life. As part of his current strict training regime, Ferdinand has to squeeze himself into a plane seat for hours, sitting in an uncomfortable seat while stale air is circulated endlessly among a herd of fellow passengers, many of whom will be breathing out cold and flu viruses. Then he has to stiffly rise to his feet and pull a heavy object out of an overhead luggage rack, while his body is contorted into an unnatural shape. To finish off his exercise regime, he has to haul another heavy bag off a moving conveyor belt. If that wasn't dangerous enough, fellow passengers will deliberately make it difficult for him to get to his back. This forces him to ignore health and safety guidelines for lifting heavy suitcases and stretch his body to yank the suitcase off the moving belt. "If your body is already stiff from doing exercise and then sitting on a plane for hours, baggage retrieval is a groin strain waiting to happen," said one physio, "so you can imagine how important this is to Rio. He really has to puts his body through this."
After passing through Doha Airport, Ferdinand then has to sit under hot lights for hours lobbing cliches into a void. Then he has to get on a flight and go home, with an even heavier set of baggage including a large pot of money.
This is one aspect of the modern professional sportsman's life that few fans understand, said an agent. "If only the fans could cut Rio a bit more slack, that would be very helpful. Let's ask for a bit less commitment, and a bit more hero worship shall we?"
Like it. What's the Surbiton angle, though?
Well, there appear to be many Mancunians who have settled in Surbiton, if replica shirts are an accurate gauge of the population.
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