Unseasonably bad weather has forced the cancellation of Spring after less than 30 days. People throughout the UK have been advised to stay indoors until Summer, with the rest of Spring to finish under the Duckworth-Lewis method.
“Basically anything you have done outdoors in the first 23 days of Spring will be extrapolated out till the start of Summer. So anyone who has mowed the lawn a couple of times, washed the car, and regularly taken the rubbish out should be quids in” said Government spokesman David Tasker.
The news has caused widespread consternation in Liverpool, with a common refrain being that the method is unfair to those who were sitting on the couch with a Stella carefully planning all the tasks they were going to do in April and May.
It’s just not cricket” said unemployed Scouser Kyle Richards as he watched the cricket on TV while drinking a Stella. “If the Government had scheduled Spring later in the year in the first place, you wouldn’t get these interrupted seasons decided by Duckworth-Lewis – and they wonder why people like me lose interest?”