As a result of his recent verdict in the Sheard versus Simpson (deceased) case, Judge Roger Keen was galled at having to explain the justice system yet again, to common plebs who are miserably ignorant of the brilliant simplicity of our sterling law and order system.
To placate concerns he described how “The system is so easy to uphold that the rules and guidance have not really needed to be revised since last time, when published by Ladybird books, fully illustrated with Janet and John pictures. That was an enlightening step forward from its previous format, which dated back to the Clan of the Cave Bear, promoting many of the core patriarchal rules which are still core to our Brutish culture.”
Keen stated “The reason a PCSO gets seven years for having consensual sex while on duty, while a man who burns a boy to death for his birthday gets just three and a half years, is really quite clear cut, in my book.”
Keen went on to explain. “There’s nothing wrong with consensual sex, that’s a given. What is unforgivable is getting caught doing it. And these PCSOs got caught because they did it on duty. That deserves a good dressing down, and of course because one of the PCSOs had to be a woman, who we expect to know better, she got the seven years. It’s obvious.”
“Now in the case of the man who gatecrashed a party for a bout of good-natured homophobic fun, at the expense of an epileptic gay, which I do appreciate also involved scrawling obscene messages on the victim’s body before setting the thing alight, he was simply helping with a growing social problem. The reason I gave him only three and a half years was because the fire could have caused some serious damage, as indeed the health and safety Ladybird book warns.”
When asked how he could sleep at night, Judge Keen said “Simple, I just wack off over my favourite picture of Janet, smoke a cigarette, stub it out on the wife, and drift off to the sound of her sobbing.”