As a result of his recent verdict in the Sheard versus Simpson (deceased) case, Judge Roger Keen was galled today at having to explain the justice system yet again, to common plebs who are miserably ignorant of the brilliant simplicity that is our sterling system of law and order.
The system is so easy to uphold that the rules and guidance have not really needed to be revised since last time, when published by Ladybird books, fully illustrated with Janet and John pictures, which was an enlightening step forward from its predecessor, which dated back to the Clan of the Cave Bear, promoting many of the core patriarchal rules which are still core to Brutish culture.
“The reason a PCSO gets seven years for having consensual sex while on duty, while a man who burns a boy to death for his birthday gets three and a half years, is really quite clear cut in my book.”
Keen went on to explain. “There’s nothing wrong with consensual sex, that’s a given. What is unforgivable is getting caught doing it. And the PCSOs got caught because they did it on duty. That deserves a good dressing down, and of course because one of the PCSOs had to be a woman, who we expect to know better, she got the seven years.”
“Now in the case of the man who gatecrashed a party for some good-natured homophobic fun, with an epileptic gay, that I do understand also involved scrawling obscene messages on the victim’s body before setting the thing alight, he was simply helping with a social problem. I gave him three and a half years only because the fire could have caused some serious damage, as indeed the health and safety Ladybird book warns.”
When asked how he could sleep at night, Judge Keen said “Simple, I just wack off over my favourite picture of Janet, smoke a cigarette, stub it out on the wife, and drift off to the sound of her sobbing.”