A tense stand-off in the relationship negotiations between Paul and Hilary Jones of Surbiton was relieved this afternoon after Paul revealed that he was seeking to end the six year marriage not becuase of anything his wife had done, but because of some fault of his own.
Close neighbours revealed serious concerns that the volume of the arguement, which commenced at 3:17, would quickly escalate to a dangerous level requiring TV volume adjustments, the closing of front window curtains and increased tutting. "We were saying only the other day that this was a tinderbox situation weren't we", Sue Risley, who lives opposite the Jones three bedroom semi, explained,"after all, he works all hours, all hours, if you know what I mean, late night and that, and Hilary is - and you didn't hear this from me - a bit of a bitch, so we were expecting fireworks, yelling, broken crockery, the whole lot".
But such fears were, thankfully, not realised after Paul Jones, 34, made his revelation and sucessfully refused the heated situation. "I did not go into these negotiations with any game plan" Jones confessed, "and the sentiments may well have not been fully in line with, what many people migth call, the truth. But fortunately for myself, and the are we live in, this small piece of tactical genius was exactly what was required".
Hilary Jones confided that much of the hysterical nature of the row was down to "the realisation that potentially I was, in some way, to blame for Pauls unhappiness these last months. Uncovering the fact that it was him and not me who was the source of his worries about our marriage, and his subsequent decision to seek seperation in order to give each of us room, well, all those anxieties were just released. The masterstroke of the 'its not you its me' line was instant closure on this for me. How often can a man say the perfect thing in a time of incredible stress? Yet Paul managed this."
Close friend Shelly Morton was quick to stress that the congenial breakup showed that "open and frank discussions between partners obviously really helps enable closure", and wished the best to both parties, especially to Paul who, Shelly revealed "will be living in his car for the forseeable future. And sadly without the benefits of all his clothes and worldly good which were shredded, burned, sent to the local tip, and best of all, melted together and left at Pauls work. Bastard."