Britain, the formerly quite capable island near Europe, has spoken of its relief at seeing television pictures of teenage girls in Beijing going hysterical over a brief glimpse of David Beckham getting out of a car. Hitherto, there had been growing fears that China's massive industrial power and highly educated workforce might one day be a threat to Western cultural hegemony.
'The growth of China's economy in the past generation has been such that even we have stopped looking at pictures of funny cats on Facebook for long enough to take notice of this new superpower of 1.1 billion people,' said Dr Julian Walker, Professor of Dappy From N-Dubz Studies at the University of Leicester. 'So it's comforting to know that a significant number of young Chinese are brain-dead wannabe starfuckers, just like us.'
Beckham then engaged in a brief kickabout with some young local players as part of his tour to promote football in China, while loud 'gangsta' music played on the tannoy and the spectators screamed out their love for him while booing at the mention of his wife, Victoria. 'Who says we don't export anything any more?' said Walker. 'Makes you proud to be British it does.'