You would be forgiven for thinking that the biggest cause of delays on our roads, and cause of resultant road rage, are the increasing number of retarded drivers who insist on slowing down to overtake lorries.
However, the Highways Commission annual report claims to have concluded ‘It is still those fuckwits who slow down to gorp at accidents.’ However the report does go on to say that the accidents are often caused by ‘Road raged drivers overtaking the increasing number of retarded drivers who insist on slowing down to overtake lorries’.
When the author of the report was asked ‘doesn’t this mean that the cause actually is the increasing number of retarded drivers who insist on slowing down to overtake lorries?’ he replied ‘That isn’t important. We shouldn’t encourage a blame culture. What is important is the Highways plan to get the gorpers off the roads.’
However, it would seem that the Highways brainwave is not simply a 'gorpers driving ban'. The commission instead have plans to build car parks at a number of the countries accident black-spots, equipped with CCTVs and a bank of HD widescreen LCD monitors with radio channelled sound so that the gorpers can get the best experience of the gore.
The author refused to comment when it was pointed out that this would surely be a further waste of tax-payers money, since the gorpers would have nothing to watch in these car-parks, as they would be off the roads and not causing further accidents. The author got into his BMW and drove away at some speed, only slowing to overtake a lorry.