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1. 

   editor
   

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   Administrator

   I have had to delete some users that were only on here to impersonate others, and had a track record of routinely downgrading certain writers.

   NewsBiscuit has traditionally been a welcoming and positive place where the nerve-racking business of sharing your comedy ideas is done in a supportive environment.

   Most people here make their criticism constructive and couch their words with plenty of praise on either side, but if we could all just be on the look out for negativity and try to counter it with a warm bath of NewsBiscuit love, then that would be jolly lovely and super-splendid.

   End of sermon.

   Posted 8 months ago #
2. 

   Dick Everyman
   

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   Member

   Amen

   Posted 8 months ago #
3. 

   Vertically Challenged Giant
   

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   Member

   Any chance of a list of who has been deleted so that I can see how many of them were me?

   Posted 8 months ago #
4. 

   wallster
   

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   Member

   Phew, I can still log in.

   Thankfully the Ed hasn't spotted that I've been impersonating someone who can't write comedy these last 4 years.

   Clearly it's a very convincing disguise.

   Posted 8 months ago #
5. 

   Sinnick
   

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   Member

   Wonderfully put, excellent, positively spiffing, adorably presented, marvellous. Am I overdoing it ?

   And, if SugarTits69 and Akiko can help out with the love, all the better.

   Posted 8 months ago #
6. 

   dvo4fun
   

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   Member

   Thanks Vicar

   Posted 8 months ago #
7. 

   Titus
   

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   Member

   This is a timely warning. I am annoyed that someone has been impersonating me, submitting loads of tedious, unfunny posts.

   Just for clarification, all the witty, clever, brilliant and hysterically funny posts are mine. The dreary, unfunny ones are forgeries.

   Posted 8 months ago #
8. 

   beau-jolly
   

   offline

   Member

   So what you are saying is "Hug a hoodie"?
   Anyone seen Wayland by the way. Ever since that hot potato landed in his yard he's not been the same.

   Posted 8 months ago #
9. 

   Ironduke
   

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   Member

   Good. While you're at it, I'm sure I saw a bloke round here impersonating a politician...

   Posted 8 months ago #
10. 

    Jeremy Hunt
    

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    Member

    Vote Conservative.

    Posted 8 months ago #
11. 

    sponge finger
    

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    Member

    dunking my biscuit, in your welcoming warm bath...

    Posted 8 months ago #
12. 

    charlies_hat
    

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    Member

    I can see why we would ban consistent vitriolic negativity with no point, but I also think many people can't take any criticism without kicking out. And there is a board almost full of mediocre stuff at the moment, ticker efforts especially. We would avoid a lot of in fighting if there was a bit more self control before posting.

    The site would also be much more engaging for visitors if they look in the writers room.

    Don't post something as soon as you think of it. Sit on it, edit it, even if it is only a few words, and then post if you think it's genuinely good.

    End of sermon.

    Posted 8 months ago #
13. 

    Midnight Dreary
    

    offline

    Inactive

    I know a lot of the good writers get enormously discouraged by all the old pub jokes and rubbish one-liners that litter the subs board, as well as by some of the mystifying choices of stories used on the front page.

    It seems hardly worth posting anything that you've put time into when it immediately drowns in a sea of poo.

    The reaction from NewsBiscuit's finest seems to be either to:
    a) Bugger off;
    b) Try to ridicule the idiots into either getting better or going away.

    I don't believe that any genuine newcomers who are actually trying ever get the piss taken out of them - it's only the purveyors of absolute shite.

    If the aim really is to get the site as funny as possible, shouldn't we be trying to encourage some of the best writers to come back? A few people have kept NewsBiscuit afloat almost single-handedly in the past, why aren't we encouraging them?

    Posted 8 months ago #
14. 

    Big Ben
    

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    Member

    I happen to like clever heckles, or at least what I interpret as heckles, but in my line of work crits are a given, and self ridicule is a weakness.

    My present problem is judging whether I fit in here. I've only recently started watching the news, on your planet. But I'm no body snatcher.

    I write stacks of stuff relatively easily, but worry that even when it survives my critical eye its quantitiy rather than quality, and of a darkness with a hint of ambiguity that makes one man's gem another man's shite.

    Posted 8 months ago #
15. 

    Mary Evans
    

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    Member

    Oh thank God, are the tossers gone? Is it safe to come out? Let's get back to the good old days: Jeni and I'll take flirting, Babs can emasculate himself, Des/Stan/Smudge can form a coalition and Oxy can write about everything being gay and underage. Look forward to meeting all you new normal(ish) types xx

    Posted 8 months ago #
16. 

    Midnight Dreary
    

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    Inactive

    Mary, meet Gary Gonads. I'm sure you're going to get on famously.

    Posted 8 months ago #
17. 

    Gary Gonads
    

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    Member

    I couldn’t agree more. I appreciate a bit of constructive criticism, but the nasty comments are unnecessary.

    Posted 8 months ago #
18. 

    Gary Gonads
    

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    Member

    People like Golgo13 are a disgrace. He has nothing but condescending remarks to make about other people’s work and his work is mediocre at best (and always presented in a pretentious tone).

    Posted 8 months ago #
19. 

    Gary Gonads
    

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    Member

    And with all due respect Midnight Dreary, people need to put "old pub jokes" on this site to make up for what you percieve as humour.

    If you want to judge, please be funny yourself. It's all I ask.

    Posted 8 months ago #
20. 

    Midnight Dreary
    

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    Inactive

    There we go, that's just what I mean.

    I promise I haven't made up Gary Gonads to prove the point.

    Nice comment, Gary:
    

    You're normally the one feeding on the dick, aren't you Golgo13?

    And nice tag Gary:
    

    Golgo13 is a faggot

    So the reaction of actual real comedy writers to this stuff is to just leave the site, or to invent new logins to fight back, which might be childish but feels like the only thing to do if the site admins aren't protecting people from the crazies.

    Dear Editor, you might really want to think about being a bit more active calming down the nutters before they drive everyone else away.

    Sorry for calling you a nutter Gary, but I really don't want to leave the site.

    Posted 8 months ago #
21. 

    Dick Everyman
    

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    Member

    Ed, have you ever seen that film, Predator?

    Posted 8 months ago #
22. 

    Vertically Challenged Giant
    

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    Member

    Golgo and Midnight Dreary are two of the best writers on the site, past or present. They are also considerably more vocal than many when it comes to praising good subs and encouraging newcomers. If they were submitting more then we wouldn’t have so many complaints about the standard being low.

    Newsbiscuit is supposed to be about developing your own work and writing original material in a spoof news format. No matter how low you think the standard of subs, we never need old pub jokes because it isn’t original material.

    The standard of BBC comedy isn’t what it once was. You can submit a script for your own series via their Writer’s Room, why don’t you send in a copy of Father Ted?

    I have to say though, “you’re normally the one feeding on the dick” is right up there with Oscar Wilde’s wittiest retorts.

    Posted 8 months ago #
23. 

    Gerontius
    

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    Member

    I would like to include the real Oxbridge in there with Golgo and MD
    Why he has become the pantomime villain for the trolls is beyond me.
    His contribution to NB has been invaluable over the years.
    Just goes to show how dangerous the lynch mob mentality can be when people who don't even know who Oxbridge is are happy to go along with the bating.
    Wish I could write as good as him.

    Not sure about the Ed's 'warm bath of Newsbiscuit love'....if there is warm stuff floating in the bath then I would like it to be mine.
    But I do think all past WOTM should get their own toilet.

    Posted 8 months ago #
24. 

    Bourbon
    

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    Member

    I presume this is the same Gary Gonads (it's the use of the word faggots on 12 mar that give it away)
    twitter.com/Gonads6969/

    Keep up the good work

    Posted 8 months ago #
25. 

    Midnight Dreary
    

    offline

    Inactive

    So, just to be clear, the people who run the site have no problem with contributors calling other people "faggots", and reward them by putting their sad, tired tickers on the front page, like Gary's "pope's ring" effort today.

    I'm sorry, Ed - lovely bloke though you certainly are, you can't complain about regulars getting a bit cheeky and at the same time happily publish old crap jokes from "faggot" haters.

    Can you really be surprised that some of the regulars who love this site get just a little bit pissed off?

    Well done Gary, you've won.

    Posted 8 months ago #
26. 

    wallster
    

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    Member

    Jokes. They're a serious matter. Not something to laugh about.

    There are several great writers here, many many average writers, a few delusional nutjobs and one or two ugly trolls.

    Unfortunately the trolls are having a field day and some of the average-to-nutjob writers get frustrated about their lack of success and start to join in trolliage as well.

    It's funny how some humourists get all bitchy and spiteful in a fit of comedic penis envy when their stuff gets criticised.

    Howevernotwithstandinganythingaforementioned, the site has produced some great pieces in recent months that have gone on to success way beyond NB iteself. Think Mike Tyson and the BBC1 vs BBC2 articles.

    So that's alright then.

    Posted 8 months ago #
27. 

    Gerontius
    

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    Member

    Maybe it's something to do with a clash of styles too?
    Quite clearly Viz and Private Eye are totally different approaches to humour.
    Both excellent.
    Both have their place but could never sit comfortably side by side.
    Maybe NB's problem is trying to accommodate everybody.
    There is a difference between humour (jokes) and satire (parody).
    There's not a single joke in the Mike Tyson story - it's the ridiculous concept and the unlikely character that carries it. Change the name and it is totally believable.

    Posted 8 months ago #
28. 

    Midnight Dreary
    

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    Inactive

    I don't think either Viz or Private eye would publish ancient jokes from people who don't like "faggots".

    It's all about quality, regardless of the style.

    There's room for everyone who wants to write original subs that are funny in any bloody style, but there shouldn't be room for recycled jokes or any kind of hating - there are plenty of places to go on the internet if you want those.

    Posted 8 months ago #
29. 

    Vertically Challenged Giant
    

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    Member

    I get the impression that the site tries to operate without any personal bias. If somebody consistently acts like a prick then you tend to read their work with a negative attitude, determined not to like it before you even start, meaning they have to write something exceptional for you to grudgingly admit that it’s quite good.

    The editorial team try to ignore that and will publish something they like regardless of who has written it. It’s kind of like an equal opportunities policy for twats.

    Having said that I still think the “pope’s ring” joke was weak. But that’s just my personal opinion and doesn’t necessarily reflect the opinion of VCG or any subsidiaries.

    Things are looking up already though, James Patching is back - hooray!

    Posted 8 months ago #
30. 

    tedweasel
    

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    Member

    How can we be sure you're the real editor? You could be anyone.
    For all we know you could be Grant Schapps or one of his many personas.

    Posted 8 months ago #

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