George O'Spawn, vice-president of the International Wildlife Fund (IWF), has said that he will "tackle the wildlife's problems head on" in his budget later on today. He said the IWF will not back away from the difficult decisions and will continue to tackle the realism deficit in the funding for animal preservation.
The cancellation of the badger cull has severely restricted the IWF's scope for being nice to and cuddly animals are expected to be hit particularly hard.
Panda punching and seal clubbing is likely to increased, with pandas feeling particularly bitter as the Scottish migration policy has hit them hard over the past year. Incentives for pigeon poking and squirrel baiting are also expected.
A 10% increase in the amount of meat Tigers will get has been openly discussed in the weeks leading up to the budget. O'Spawn continued "We will also help those animals who want to get on. Those animals, such as lions, which sit around doing nothing all day and then expect to prey on the other animals can expect to be hit hard."
There is expected to be the usual outcry that Rats, Hyenas and Vultures will not be penalised due to their close relationships with the IWF committee.