[We need to put sexy back into Catholicism. This place is a dong factory.] said Pope Francis I in the wake of inheriting a Church in chaos. As abuse scandals, contraception, and logic rock the foundation of one of the worlds oldest institutions, the new Pontiff's "sex sells" strategy is already gaining momentum.
[Sex is cool. I haven't had it yet, but me and my girlfriend have done everything but.] said twenty seven year old Neal Strawberry who lives on the steps of St. Peters Church in Pleasantville New Jeresy.
While we don't exactly know how he is planing on incorporating the classic biological pastime into The Holy Mother Church, speculation is that it is going to be at some point during The Homily.