The government today outlined plans for a cull of the most damaging creatures in the country.
Following plans to curb bovine TB with a badger cull and strategic killing of deer to protect woodland environments, further targetting of specific creature is now thought to be necessary to protect valuable resources.
"With school places rapidly running out", a government spokesman said at the launch of the white paper, "it's time to take direct and targetted action. The only sensible way forward is to start a strategic cull of the under fives".
Civil servants have openly admitted that the policy will be a hard sell, but are keen to talk up the prospects of saving several billion pounds on child benefit, easing pressure on schools and hospitals and making public transport less of a pain to travel on.
"This modest proposal", the white paper concludes, "may seem drastic, but killing the nation's children is the only way to balance the budget. While it may seem a tad harsh, it's actually a lot more merciful than the current mean-spirited policies which are driving many children into poverty, so it's win-win really".