A feeling of mild disappointment and unease is now standard, after buying the latest smartphone, suggests a new report out yesterday. Michael Sellack, from the Institute of Self-Evident Findings, a right-wing fish-tank, warns that dissatisfaction with new hi-tech products is at an all-time high, and likely to get worse.
‘Buyers’ expectations are way too high’, Mr Sellack said. ‘Imagining that the next offering from Apple or Samsung will change their lives, they un-box the latest, state-of-the-art, top-of-the-range smartphone with trembling hands and barely concealed excitement.
‘For a short time - perhaps a whole afternoon - they will be deliriously happy. New purchasers typically spend the first few minutes fondling and stroking their new device, admiring its sinuous curves and shiny surfaces. Some will even be emboldened to switch it on.
‘However they soon fall prey to anxieties. Did they buy the right model? Should they have waited for the next upgrade which, they hear, will be faster and more powerful? The initial euphoria of new phone purchase quickly turns to mild disappointment, as they investigate their phone’s much-vaunted new features.
‘The new Galaxy S4 phone, for example, can translate the phrase mild disappointment into nine different languages. Even the phone’s increased interactivity seems merely to replicate the user’s frustrations. The touch screen is old hat by now, and users can navigate their S4 without touching it... merely by waving their arms about, in gestures of mild disappointment. The phone typically responds by trying to sell them some film about vampires or the latest single by One Direction’.
‘The disappointment soon settles into existential boredom, once they realise that what they’ve bought is... just a phone.
‘But the iPhone 5S may change all that. I hear on the grapevine that it's going to be amazing’...