Scientists have discovered that the older you are, the less likely you are to die young. In a special report entitled 'Generation War' facts have emerged which will resonate throughout the entire age spectrum of all known civilized societies, and a couple of unknown ones too. People of all ages will be encouraged to grow old as soon as possible, to drastically reduce their chances of 'buying in' to an early grave.
Mildred Larkins, 104, of East Kilbride, Scotland, welcomed the findings and said she is delighted to hear that, at her age, there is very little chance of stiffing 'before her time'. Despite the drawbacks of being unable to read or hear very well, Mrs Larkins was possibly able to guess the general drift of the story maybe, once we shook her chair violently and yelled the contents of the report down her hearing aid. This was a remarkable and commendable achievement, given that she can only be holding grimly on to life by the thinnest of threads.
At the other end of the scale, Youth Group leader Ken Pickles, who looks after errant youth and teenage gang members on the streets of Royal Tunbridge Wells, Kent, the Garden Of England, said the report was a real worry. He is concerned that although gang-related deaths in Tunbridge Wells currently stand at a all-time high of nil, the picture is only going to get worse if the trend of dying young is taken on solely, by persons of a younger age. "It's a big responsibility" he started to explain before dashing off to intervene in a tense stand off over a dropped crisp packet.
Middle aged folk were of no interest whatsoever in the report, due to the fact they are 'not real' and exist only in the Whole Wide Interweb.
One positive aspect of the report found that the funnier you are, the less likely you are to contract a 'serious' illness. I just made that up. I actually have bowel cancer and have been given four weeks to 'shit, or get off the pot'.
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Old duffers refuse to die young in 'Generation War'.
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offlineMemberPosted 2 months ago # -
Not Amused
offlineMemberOn here. I can't remember the details now but something similar in terms of a weird stats type comparison.
Maybe it was smokers tend to have less problems in old age. Maybe I am just remembering something that never happened ! I don't think it got published.
I think your sub is different enough.
Posted 2 months ago #
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