In an escalation of the food origin crisis, a budget Leeds food outlet, Sutcliffe’s Diner, has been found to have sold whore’s meat as chicken.
Regular Sutcliffe’s patron Gavin Smith was surprised to be told that the “chicken” dish he had just eaten contained 100% whore’s meat. “It certainly tasted like chicken, tough chicken, with a faint smell of cheap perfume and stale cigarettes. But the one really odd thing was when I picked at the chicken breast, I heard a strange noise that sounded for all the world like ‘that’ll be 5 quid love’.”
Smith said that despite the “chicken” dish being made from dead hookers, he would probably go back. “3 quid for chicken, chips, and coke is sharp pricing. Plus I want to try the Caribbean or Chinese chicken options, or perhaps both at the same time if I’m feeling adventurous.”
Sutcliffe’s Diner owner Jim Sutcliffe denied deliberately serving whore’s meat. “A Romanian bloke asked if I wanted to buy a job lot of birds that he found floating in the canal. I checked that the meat was fresh, and it obviously wasn’t horse meat, so I went ahead and bought it.”
But Sutcliffe’s story was doubted by Council Food Inspector Barry Evans. “He must have known he was selling whore’s meat – he put flyers on local street corners and phone booths advertising the 3 quid chicken special, he had a steady stream of cars crawling past his shop offering to buy the chicken, and most crucial of all, he insisted in serving the chicken wrapped up in a condom otherwise he charged 2 quid extra.”
Government Food Safety spokesman Ian Lang appealed for calm stressing that the case was purely a food labelling issue. “There is absolutely no threat to public safety, well apart from that of the working girls of course.”