The Tory Party leadership has decided to hold their next annual conference, not at the seaside, but in a large Soho strip club in order to entice more members of the Upper House to attend Conference.
Wheelchairs, dribble buckets, binoculars and nursemaids will all be on hand for their Tory lordships, as well as striptease artists, of course, who will appear between political speeches. However, phrases such as 'Ge'ram off,' or 'Tits first, darling,' will be banned.