Jersey, 10.00am and Robert Fiennes waits in A&E for a doctor to look at his frostbitten fingers “I exited base camp early, outside the duvet it was cold, very cold… leaving Mrs Fiennes behind I told her I may be some time”.
Although conditions on the landing were some of the toughest on Earth signs were looking good for the expedition to the kitchen, known by many as The Coldest Journey.
“I knew if I could make the kitchen and take on supplies I had a chance of making it out of the house and into work”
Exeter University exploration psychoanalyst Professor Donald Arnold explains that for many getting out of bed can be a journey too far “research shows that negotiating everyday objects in low level light cold, tired and hungry can be almost impossible…especially for jobless, workshy lazy scum”.
But even full time employment was not enough to spur Robert on “ I had just descended the ‘giant’s steps’…the stairs…and was traversing the telephone table when disaster stuck. I lost a slipper, fell and then exposed my hand to the cold from under my dressing gown, it was only for a second but long enough to contract frostbite”.
Found huddled and shivering at the bottom of the stairs hours later muttering unintelligible something about a 9.15 appointment with ‘Smelly’ Sarah from accounts, Robert’s wife attempted an emergency medical evacuation immediately although has since criticised the preparation for the trek “It must have been 8˚ out there in the hall...if he is too tight to have the heating on its his own fault!”.
Robert has been advised to delay his next expedition until the spring…whenever that bloody is.