In a sensational move, police in London have arrested God after several priests and cardinals admitted to talking about their crimes in detail during confession.
Chief Inspector Dawson told waiting reporters, ‘God clearly knew all about these crimes and did not come forward. This makes him an accessory to these evil acts and for that reason he has been arrested.’
In the press melee outside, God maintained he couldn’t remember ever hearing the confessions and that he was probably elsewhere on the dates in question, ‘Just because I’m omnipresent doesn’t mean I can be in everywhere at once,’ he shouted to the large crowds gathered outside Wood Green Station.
Flanked by hysterical supporters he vowed to fight on and protested that despite being omniscient he knew nothing.
His close friend, Gabriel told reporters that, ‘Look God has had it up to here with you lot. He has plenty of other planets and beings to attend to but you think you’re the only ones and have some sort of god-given right to his attention what with your pointless praying and worshipping. He may have taken his eye off the ball briefly. He has been very tired lately. Remember, he even had to rest for a day after making your pig’s-ear of a universe and since then he has become involved in much bigger and better projects. We have a great legal team based in the Other Place who are ready to win this case. And as a last resort God has asked me to remind you that he is not averse to smiting if he does not get his way. ’
Chief Inspector Dawson remained unimpressed, ‘Frankly, these deities think they run the place and are above the law. It’ll take a miracle to save him now.’