In a break from tradition, deceased student Michael Green was described by Loughborough University as "An average student with ordinary grades" when he passed away last Tuesday. This ends a 30 year run of premature death only visiting "brilliant" students.
"To be honest, he was only studying Sports Science", said a professor. "Average IQ at best in that bunch".
Michael's funeral was held at St Stephen's Roman Catholic church, where the priest described him as "not particularly 'devout' ".