"I was only joking", said local racist Darren Smithfield. "I just axed the darky waiter if the beef biryani contained horse DNA. I don't know his name, I always call him Gunga Din".
The restaurant was later visited by the Food Standards Agency who found human DNA in Mr Smithfield's biryani. A spokesman from the FSA commented : "Wanking into restaurant food is quite a serious offence. Having met Mr Smithfield, however, we've decided to take no further action".