Gillette today launched what it claims is the next generation of male grooming product.
The Defoliator, is a hi-tech multiblade razor, which the manufacturer claims will give metrosexual men a groin smoother ‘than an angel’s tear running down a glacier‘.
Adam Decker, Product Manager at Gillette, says: “The Defoliator will tackle even the toughest back, sack and crack in one smooth manoeuvre; transforming a man’s undercarriage from unsightly Neanderthal to Olympic swimmer in an instant.”
Audrey Linholme, a male beauty expert at GQ, says: “This is everything narcissistic straight men have been asking for. What’s the point of having a six-pack if its covered in fuzz? Or a scrotum like the Eden Project, and burying it out in the forest?
“I do think it is refreshing that so many men are turning to perineum gels and anus trimmers to keep their unruly manhole covers in order. I’d rather a chap was regularly moisturising and tending to his chubbery than resorting to more radical solutions like Botox when tackling unwanted wrinkles.”
Decker agrees, “The days of hetrosexual men screaming like little girls, because they’ve been waxinated from chin to rim, are gone.
“Having a child-like tum and bum, similar to Robert Pattinson from the Twilight movies, is now as simple as stepping into the shower, bending over and shaving the old saddlebags. No matter how dense the undergrowth, the Defoliator will crack the toughest nut.”
Whilst many woman may welcome the news that their men can remove troublesome tufts, others have expressed concern that men in general will feel pressured into some form of netherscaping.
Mandy Brady, a student from Rochester in Kent, says: “I think a lot of it depends on what’s going on under the chuff-fur. If a man has a package that’s a bit uneven or off-puttingly spotty, then a little camouflage can be a good thing.”