The fury generated by scorned women on earth continues to outperform demonic powers in the afterlife, according to a report written in Hell this week. "We have to face the fact that we still have a fury-deficit down here," a spokes demon told reporters. "In every other respect, we've got earthly powers beat. Pain, punishment, anguish, almost all forms of nastiness, in these areas we continue to have the edge. But we still have a way to go where fury is concerned. Hell continues to hath no fury like a woman scorned. I mean have. We want to get our hands on that fury. We really need to beat scorned women at the fury game."
Hell's governing body is concerned that events on earth these past weeks have shown how a woman still managed to generate what seems like infinitely sustainable reserves of unabated scorn-related anger. A statement from hell details,with reluctant admiration, how these were spread among other women at the highest levels of earthly society. This allegedly includes a judge and a member of the Murdoch Chapter. "We can't be complacent,” one angry imp argued. "if only for the benefit of our good name, or rather our bad name, we have to deal with this very real deficit."
The Devil has now suggested Hell opens an Office of Furiousness Responsibility to monitor the Underworld's efforts to match earthly women's fury. It has also been suggested that Hell enters into more coalitions with mortals to generate increased levels of hellish fury on earth. But insiders have criticised this plan. "We already have Faustian pacts with a number of high profile mortals. But even Clarkson can't deliver the kind of fury we have seen in this case, despite the effort of our paps down under. We still have high hopes with Rebekah Brooks. And of course we have approached the women involved in this case with deals, to see whether Hell can harness their admittedly superior powers. We have offered them money, fame, beauty, a column in the Sunday Times, a suspended sentence, a handsome young probation officer, but so far no deal.”
It’s understood the Devil is now offering the women a "specialised" deal to tempt them involving a humiliating "freak accident" to Chris Huhne's private parts. "His testacles are on the table" said an underworld source. "We are still waiting for the women to bite."