Brian Moore, skipper of the victorious England team still bedecked with flags and scarves from adoring fans held the World Cup aloft before passing it on to his team-mates. We were lucky enough to get the first interview after the triumph
“Fantastic, just fantastic” said Brian, “the final was so much tougher than the other games” this was true. In the group stages the match against Cameroon was one-sided as Cameroon produced a 60 year old mum with a baby strapped to her back missing the point of the competition completely. Subsequent easy victories over the USA (overloading) and Switzerland (too much rinse aid) set up a quarter-final against arch rivals, Germany.
“That was tense” said Brian, “to concede an early soup tureen was disappointing but we responded well with the pasta dishes and carving knives but their equaliser was clearly a foul, he hadn’t powered it on at the plug before loading the dinner plates. But we held our nerve in the penalty salt-out”
“The semi-final against France was cagey and neither side really looked like taking the lead until the French used their hand to close the door. Everyone knows that you have to use your foot” beamed Brian “the ref spotted it and that was our opportunity to finish them off with the desert bowls”
The final against Brazil was a tooth and nail match, cutlery each at half time, Brazil took the lead early in the second half with a brace of pineapple carving knives. Brian took us through the closing stages of the match “their carving knives were a sucker punch, pure set piece move. We had to respond quickly and when we slotted in a roast beef Pyrex dish we saw their heads drop. Great move down the left and the Irish Coffee glasses finished them off”
Controversially the glasses had come off the top of the housing and bounced down into place. Despite Brazilian protests the Russian linesman let it stand and the final whistle went moments later. Queue the red and white ticker tape, the England team on a pre-wash of honour and the end of a gloriously clean campaign