The Government have today announced plans for a nationwide cull of deer. The move, set to anger environmental groups, has been described as essential to protect pensioners and ensure free passage of mobility scooters. A DEFRA spokesperson explained that the increasing attacks by deer on helpless pensioners has got to the levels where the Government has no choice but to take action.
We talked to Edith (name changed to protect her from reprisal attacks). Shortly after last January sales Edith was innocently shopping in Harrods Food Hall when she was unexpectedly accosted by a Roe Deer. “I was hurting nobody, just selecting the best looking lobster for my husband’s dinner … now that he can eat sea food without the digestive problems … and the jellied eels were not … when this Capreolus capreolus approached with a very aggressive expression. Horrible, I was scared. Something should be done …”.
Groups opposed to the cull insist that the attacks are from a minority rogue element and that a general population cull would only aggravate a generally peaceful species.
Surprisingly UKIP have put their support strongly behind the cull, suggesting that the increasing problems were largely due to foreign immigrant species. They point out that of the six deer species living in the UK, only two are native British species. “The immigrant species place an unexpectedly high drain on our limited resources and problems are bound to start. The current government has completely failed to address the immigrant species issues and problems have now become critical.”.