Standing on the steps of the TUC building in London, Trinotalotasauraus Trades Union Party Leader, Archibald Aristotle Arkwright, insisted “17% in favour of all out industrial action is an absolute majority” and the clearest indication yet “the policies of the ruling coalition are having a massive impact on my membership. We’ll bring the whole country to a standstill, for at least that long and take our campaign out into the wastelands of the former industrial heartlands of our heritage, which are now occupied by foreign hi-tec enterprises and are now devoid of and in desperate need of union membership".
‘AAA’, as he prefers to be known, took the same opportunity to announce a significant increase of membership fees, backdated five years ….. “times are tough”, he insisted, postage costs have gone up and the price of tea bags is making my eyes water. I’ve had to pay myself a seven figure bonus, just to compensate for the PPI payout I can’t get because I wasn’t a policy holder at the time, plus I’ve just learned Ramsey has been outed from Claridges – that’s me un-stuffed at lunchtimes until I can find somewhere else to hang-out.
Pressed by the reporter for the Russell Street Bi-weekly Echo, Archie reiterated the earlier vote of members was totally legitimate and had been verified by the same people who count the votes on BGT. The fact 72% of his membership elected not to cast their vote, was merely an indication that they had better things to do with their time (quite understandable, given the state of the economy) – in such cases, members need to be aware of the small-print in their membership application (page 638, para 8, sub section 126.96.36.199) in that – ‘where the member is unable to vote, likely to vote against the motion or elects not to vote’ - the members vote, will revert to proxy under the control of the party leader.
With that Archie marched over to his chauffeur driven Maybach (apparently a Ghia version of an entry level Merc C-Class) and chugged off for a policy meeting with two Ed’s and an ‘arry.