There has been widespread acclaim from across the football world as Ryan Giggs is tonight expected to claim his 1000th sexual partner as a Manchester United player.
The veteran winger, who has been terrorising both defences and marriages since his professional career began in 1990, has been named in Alex Ferguson’s first team squad for the visit to ‘Humpers’ night club in Manchester, which follows tonight’s otherwise inconsequential Champions League clash with Real Madrid.
Visiting Madrid forward Christiano Ronaldo paid tribute to his former teammate at a press conference this morning:
‘When I arrived at Man Utd as a shy eighteen year old I’d probably only slept with two or three hundred women. But on my first day at the club Ryan took me under his wing and showed me that yes, it is possible to be both a respected professional footballer and a devious, immoral sex reptile at the same time.’
Manchester Utd manager Sir Alex Ferguson also paid tribute to the veteran midfielder:
'Football is no stranger to gorgeous pouting love gods. Lee Sharpe, George Best, Peter Beardsley. But Ryan has surpassed them all. He is a fine example to any youngsters out there. He’s shown that despite having sticky out ears and weird conifer tree shaped chest hair, you can still become a remorseless shagger of anything in, or preferably out of a skirt.’