Boos as Justin Beiber arrives on stage ...
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Canadian teen heart-throb and poster boy Justin Beiber incensed parents at the London O2 yesterday, when he started singing unexpectedly before many of them could take precautionary measures or indeed leave the arena.
Beiber, who looks and sounds exactly like you might imagine a manufactured Pop star would, delighted mums, dads, grannies and grandpas from far and wide during the first two hours of his concert by staying off stage and instead allowing some proper music to be played through the sound system.
A representative for “Turn that NOISE down!” a charity that deals with underprivileged, aurally challenged children described the chaotic scenes. “We deal with a whole range of conditions, “X Factor ears”, “Britain’s got Talentitis” but by far the most serious is “Bieber mania,” which appears to affect girls and in some case boys who have not reached the age of puberty.
Insider sources from a recent concert in Nottingham had told us that the first 90 mins of the show, during which JB neither appeared nor attempted to sing / lip synch / mime were the perfect moment to try and shock some of these young children back to reality and what real music actually sounds like. As it turned out we got an extra 30 mins Bieber free as an added bonus!”
Our on the spot reported described how initially it appeared everything was going to plan...and then disaster “To our astonishment, as we waited and watched the empty stage some of the youngsters began to respond to the early 70s disco and the entire Michael Jackson back catalogue being played on an endless loop.
Then without warning after almost two hours of aural heaven the Bieber appeared on stage and the children suffered an immediate relapse of their signs and symptoms, greeting his arrival with a wall of high pitched screams that a dog would struggled to hear. This was quickly drowned out by the sound of a cat being strangled...oh sorry no that was Bieber’s opening song, something it is believed interrogators at Guantanamo Bay use on a regular basis to extract information from suspected terrorists.
Within minutes a crescendo of “boos” filled the O2 from parents who literally hadn’t spent up to £75 a ticket to hear Bieber sing. Out of their seats quicker than Usain Bolt from his blocks, grownups and some nearly grown up teenagers surged towards the exits, many holding their hands to their ears in order to try and block out the noise. Others stumbled about almost senseless, mumbling that they ‘had a train to catch, or something’.
Not everyone was however disappointed with Justin’s sudden appearance. Peter Fortuna spoke of his relief when Beiber finally launched into his wall of sonic misery explaining “I’d taken my two teenage daughters to see him, as a punishment for being caught smoking outside school.” “Somehow just standing in a cold, over priced arena, trying to make out the ant sized shapes of roadies moving about on stage for 120 minutes didn’t seem an adequate deterrent. But at 10.25pm, my two delinquent, off the rails daughters, finally got their just reward....the full Bieber treatment”
In a final twist of the parental knife Mr Fortuna revealed he even made them stay for the encores! Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
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