A poor lass in one part of the country can't, she says, get a boyfriend, and is tying to.
Jennifer Blatsford of Stoke has been on the hunt for a man for 16 weeks - ! - and has gone through it all.
Now she's using the internet - and no responses - despite being, what they say is, very, very hot and nice.
Sexy Jennifer, 26, a nurse, told me at the office on the phone that she's "dying for fun" with a man of her dreams.
I joked: "I'm free," I laughed. But she laughed back: "Not you!"
Anyway, the whole town is behind her. Her vital signs are 23-44-23 [check this]; she has auburn hair to her shoulders; and, her words, a beautiful chest.
All the young men must be foaming reading about this I thought as I typed it up.
But it's not sexism to worry about a young girl who just happens to have smooth legs, a bottom and flexible boobs - again, her words.
But why no boyfriend? "I think all the men out there are bent," she giggled to me later when we met after the call.
I told her "I'm not" and she laughed a little more.
"Aren't you worried about the horror stories you hear connected to the internet dating sites," I suggested to her(?)
Unmoved, she giggled: "Chance would be a fine thing!"
And what on earth does that mean?
Here at the paper we wish Lucy all the best in her hunt. Surely someone will (wink wink, nudge, wink).