Catholic priests could in future be required to swear an oath that forbids the consumption of halibut, according to an experimental policy suggested by a small cohort of cardinals who could influence the choice of the new pope.
“Our Lord foreswore the eating of halibut, and no trace of the fish is mentioned in his holy scripture” said a spokescardinal. "Halibucy will be a hard life to choose, but in return, the holy sacrament of marriage will become permissible to ordained clergy, so long as no trace of halibut is found in the matrimonial home.”
However, there have already been rumours that illicitly held “halibut parties” could occur, with “inappropriate recipes” being secretly written in latin codes known only to readers of paperback blockbusters. It has also been observed that halibut can grow to the size of an adult male priest, leaving space for conjecture that priests could have inappropriate and unhygienic relations with the fish before satanically linking it with dauphinoise potatoes.