A return to core Conservative values as a result of the Eastleigh by-election could so unsettle the natural order of things it could unleash a new outbreak of the bubonic plague, according to experts.
'The Party urgently needs to return to core Conservative values,' said one Conservative Association chairman after the Tories were beaten into third place by UKIP.
'We thought we had eradicated core Conservative values,' said malady specialist Dr Jim London,'but this very nasty infection has been lying dormant. Eastleigh seems to have triggered it and once it starts spreading it could even lead to a new outbreak of the bubonic plague in the UK.'
'Given the choice between core Conservative values and the bubonic plague,' said a Labour voter, 'I'll take my chance any day with the plague.'