In the wake of the shock decision by X Factor producers to axe female judge Tulisa Contostavlos from the Show, the Vatican’s College of Cardinals has come to her rescue. The self-proclaimed "female boss" was given the news by series producer Richard Holloway and is understood to be ‘devasted’ by the decision to replace her with 'she-devil' Sharon Osborne.
However the star will now join the conclave of Cardinals in Vatican City as they start the process to select a new pope. A spokesman for the Vatican said, “With the resignation of Cardinal O’Brien there was a danger that Britain would not be represented in the election of the new Pope. With Tulisa’s extensive experience as a judge on the X Factor and her social-media appearances she was the natural choice and a welcome change from some of the old buggers we've got in the cloisters.”
It is also understood that the slasher film ‘Demons Never Die’, in which Tulisa had a starring role, was a favourite of Pope Benedict XVI. He is said to be looking forward to seeing out his twilight years with a rewind button and the X Factor 2012 series box set. Tulisa will stay in St. Martha's House, a hospice inside the Vatican that has more than 130 rooms to cater for her all of her egos.
She Tweeted, “I’m totally gutted about losing the X Factor gig #c*nts. Now I’m totally bricking it in the Sistine! #Amen!!”
She will be locked with the cardinals inside the Sistine Chapel in the Apostolic Palace during the voting process. “Having a...how you say in English, gobby and in-your-face celeb, will not distract the other Cardinals in the voting process. She will also be in very little danger of sexual molestation. The same could not have been said if we had chosen Gary Barlow.”
In a separate move Tulisa's former N-Dubz bandmates Dappy and Fazer are to take over from Aled Jones in the BBC’s long running series, Songs of Praise.