John is very excited. Today he is going to Mrs Titty-Bumbum’s cake shop. He has put on his best purple flared trousers, his tassled velvet blouse and pork pie hat. John is a fop and a dandy. Many people think he is gay and he gets a lot of abuse from the young muslims in town.
Janet leaves John outside Mrs Titty-Bumbum’s cake shop and tells him she is just going to the ironmongers to purchase some very sharp kitchen knives. She tells him to behave at Mrs Titty-Bumbums and not to eat too many cakes.
Mrs Titty-Bumbum is outside the shop holding a hammer. “Oh John” she says when she sees him, “I want to put these loud banging things on the door so I know when people want to come into the shop. Will you hold them for me whilst I work out where to bang the nail in?”
John was only too willing to help Mrs Titty-Bumbum and afterwards they went into the shop. The counter was covered in lovely cakes. There were doughnuts, crumpets, french fancies, muffins and jam tarts. John salivated prodigiously. “Oooh Mrs Titty-Bumbum” he said “what a lovely spread you have!”.
Later John met Janet outside the ironmongers. John had something sticky dripping from his beard onto his shirt. “What have you been doing” exclaimed Janet, “you naughty boy”. “I helped Mrs Titty-Bumbum put her loud banging things on the door” said John, “and then we went inside and I gave her a right good shagging, twice from the front and once from behind.”
See John run. See Janet chase after him wielding a sharp knife.
See John get stabbed in the lower intestine. See Janet cry.
Poor John, poor Janet.
Postscript:
John Marsh was declared dead later that evening.
Janet Marsh is on remand at Holloway prison awaiting sentencing.
Mrs Titty-Bumbum can be contacted on 0800-121121.