In an emotional farewell before thousands of Roman Catholics at St Peter's Square in The Vatican, Pope Benedict XVI told the faithful that after his retirement from the Papacy he intends to live out the rest of his days tending a small allotment on the outskirts of Sheffield.
"I've thoroughly enjoyed my time as the head of the Roman Catholic church" he said. "But none of us are getting any younger and I think it's time for a younger man to have a crack at it. It was getting more and more difficult to get up and down from the Vatican throne, not to mention having to get right down on my hands and knees to kiss the tarmac at all those airports during Papal visits. It's not only that but when you reach my age you don't really want all the worry of having to deal with Cardinals that have been carrying on with young priests and suchlike do you?
"I've always fancied a nice little plot where I can grow a few carrots and plant the odd crab apple tree, so I had a bit of a look round on my last visit to England and spotted a nice council run allotment on one of the hills overlooking Sheffield and got my name on the waiting list. A few weeks back they emailed me to say there was half a plot up for rental and would I be interested, and that was it really.
"Naturally I'll always have a soft spot for the church and might even have a little altar at the back of the shed so I can pop in and say my prayers while I'm waiting for the kettle to boil on my primus.
"Anyway I wish my successor all the very best and if he ever feels the job's getting him down he'll always be welcome to pop over for a chat and a brew, or a browse through the seed catalogues in the shed. I might even get one of those plastic greenhouses from Argos and try my hand at growing one of those miniature olive trees if I can pick one up cheap.
"Ok well cheers all, thanks for listening, and if you can't be good, be careful ok?
"In nomine patris et filii et spiritus sancti."